Who we are....

Have you ever met somebody who changed who you thought you were??? I know that every new person we meet or get to know, changes us in some way. Sometimes its a small change, like a "view" on a certain subject.. Sometimes its an idea you thought you had about something or someone.. Sometimes its a change that you never could imagine was possible.
Most people believe they know who they are, what they want, and what they believe in. Most people are pretty confident in who they, even if they are not comfortable with what they are. Most people have slight changes over time that essentially continue to develop the "same person" they have always been. Some people have major incidents that incite a major life change. Some of it is good and some of it is bad. But you never really expect to meet someone or reconnect with someone who totally throws your whole "system" off.
What does that mean? What does it mean when another person changes you so much? And why does it always have to happen at the most "inconvenient" time in your life. How do you handle that?
Most decent people believe the decisions they make in life to be the right choices for them. That doesn't always mean that the right choices for them are always based on them alone, sometimes its based of a significant other, family members, and especially children. Either way, you believe you are doing what is right for you. Sometimes it doesn't pan out and you then alter the decision you make but normally in the end you feel you are in the right place at the right time.

Recently, I have been "changed".... and I dont know what it means, and I dont know what is to come of it. And not knowing, is the hardest thing for me. I go on day in and day out, thinking I am right where I need to be... thinking that I am gonna end up right where I want to be. And I know unexpected things happen and can change that path. But ulitmatley, when you start a job, start a relationship you believe it is going a to be a "certain way". Like I am a hairdresser, thats what I went to school for, thats what I am good at, and majority of the time I really enjoy it... or in a relationship... you believe you know your partner, what your partner wants and where the 2 of you will end up, old and married, and hopefully still happy. And sometimes you dont realize you have made the wrong decision untill much later in life but you make a new decision and move on.
But what if thats not me? what if who I think I am is not really who I am? I dont mean that in an "extreme" way, like I have been faking who I am for 25 years, but in a way that could really really make you happy. Like that "dream" you have always had for your life... but how do you know thats really what you want? HOW DO YOU KNOW!! Most people say "you just know" and I would have totally agreed with that up until recently. Now dont misconstrue this with "doubts" about my future plans, because no matter what my ulitmate future plans stay the same. My future plans are to be healthy, happy, and to share my life with people just as deserving as I. What I am getting at is, what if what I thought was making me happy really isnt? What if what "i have always wanted" was more or less forgotten about and not changed? What if who I thought I would become really isnt what I want to become?? And by no means am I miserable, but what if I am really not as happy as I thought??? And how do you know when things are to good to be true??? Is there really such a thing? Why can't you really JUST KNOW? Why does it take someone else or something else to remind you of what you really value and of what you really enjoy? Why did that person have to be "invisible" for so long? Maybe its because they were still developing themselves? Maybe I was/am still developing? And why does it happen at a time like this? What are you supposed to do? How are you not supposed to hurt other people to make yourself happy? And how do you break the news to people you love and people you have cared about for a long time? There are to many questions and not enough answers...
Bottom line : what do you do when you realize that you dont have to change or alter majority of the things important to you, and that there is someone else exactly like you thinkin the same things? I know the "duh" answer.. but what if its not that easy? is it that easy? how do you know!!!! The only thing I do know, is that no matter what happens or how it happens, that this new person NEVER goes away... no matter what...

I just dont get it....

I am not a parent so there are some things I know I dont understand when it comes to children. But there are some things that I know that are just not normal.... I know kids dont come with a manual... But I just dont understand how flippin stupid people can be... Here is where my problem is.... I can not stand that somebody I know is the biggest fony and faker on the planet, I dont like the fact that this person has negativly affected people who are very close to me including myself. It bothers me that they dont give two shits about anybody including their own children, neices, newphews, etc. Bottome line you dont fuck family... If you know me well, you have probably figured out what this is in reference to. If you dont then I am sorry that this might be a little confusing for you. I dont understand you somebody can be a certain person all the time how you can be so close to them and believe everything they say, espeically when it comes to somebody else you is also in the circle that is supposed to be the bad guy.. and then you find out that the person who you thought was the "victim" all this time is actually a dirty slutty whore. I believe that everybody has total control over their lives, you live and die by the decisions you make everyday. It is your fault and only your fault if you choose to stay in a bad relationship, shitty job, etc. It is your fault if you decide to continue to let people treat you a certain way. There is no reason and no excuse to let those decisions negativly affect the innocent. Its not fair. Its fucked up that your children are embarrassed by what you have done because it is almost unspeakable, and then to act like its ok and to act like "my children are adults they can deal" which isnt entirely true, one of them is not an adult. It also bothers me when parents do things to spite the other, yeah we get it you wanna be the favorite. Which in reality is fucked up, you should be an equal parental unit, no matter if you are married, together, seperated or divorced. It is really fucked up when a certain parent decides to try to be the friend and the favoirte by giving a child anything they want and not making them take responsibilty for any of their actions, do you really think you are helping??? Seriously, your child is gonna fail miserably. It really pisses me off that a parent will do things that are illegal and ridiculous just so you can slowly win back favoritism. Bottom line if you want a good/great/amazing reltionship with your children or with anybody.... 1. Dont be a dirty liar, dont fuck family, dont continue to lie and be sneaky, WE SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR BULLSHIT. 2. Dont make decisions that are obviously wrong just so you dont lose everything, if you are on the verge of losing everything (family wise) you probably deserve it. 3. Actually be a parent, not a friend and definatley not a dirty liar. 4. Actually tell the fuckin truth, dont pretend like you havent done anything wrong dont pretend like you arent full of shit, THE PLANET SEES RIGHT THROUGH YOU.

To the person that this is in reference to, this is exactly what I want to say to you, maybe one day I will, maybe not. But until I know it wont hurt certain people(besides you) I will have to keep it to the blog....

You are absolutly awful. Bottom line. I can not believe that have fooled me let alone fooled people who are supposed to the closest to you. I think what you have done is the lowest of the low, and its embarrassing how you act like the other side is the lowest of the low. Nobody is perfect I get it, I know I am not perfect. But you are the one who made the decision to stick it out as long as you did, you are the one who kept yourself in that situation for as long as you did, you are the one who let a certain person treat you that way for so long. Its your fault. You could have made other decisions that I know you have thought about that would have been a hell of a lot better than the decisions you are making now. I know that cause you have talked to me about it. And I might not know everything and I might not know exactly how you feel, but I do know how it feels to know you. And as of now it really really sucks. You have hurt so many innocent people who are all connected and close and you dont give a shit, you are the most selfish and undeserving person I have ever known. And the worst part is that I have to deal with you for the rest of my life. It pisses me off to no end that we used to be close we used to hang out and you dont even care to do that anymore cause you are to busy working on another relationship that shouldnt even exist. You do have the right to be with and do whatever you want. But you shouldnt have pretended for so long that you werent the type of person to do the things you have done. It is embarrassing that the way you are tryin to win certain people back by letting them do whatever they want by letting them make decisions they are not capable of making. You reap what you sow. It is awful that certain people are just ok with not talking to you, they dont care. Its awful that they wont tell you how shitty you are and how shitty you have made them feel. They wont tell you cause they know all they will get from you is bullshit. I am not ok with that. Its not fair for everybody else to feel awful cause of what you have done and the strain you have put on other people all the time and for you to be out livin it up in the bullshit you call a life and have a bad day every once in a while its not fair its not ok. I have thought that when I have children how great it would be to have you so close and always around, but now I dont want you near the children I might have one day, I dont even want you around my dogs cause I dont want any of your awful karma and bull shit to rub off on them! I dont want you to be a part of anything cause I know it is all fake and bullshit. You have definatley by a landslide won the award of the crappiest person crappiest parent and shittiest over all person under the freakin sun.

I might be a Grandma......

I am almost positive that 99% of the people who just read that headline, are like WTF??? Well...... My dog, who is actually treated like a daughter(ridiculous i know), might be PREGO!! Well at least I hope she is!! She went into heet about 2-3 weeks ago (the prime of her heet was then) and I took her on 2 dates with a very handsome stud... The stud belongs to a client/friend of mine. She owns her own grooming/boarding business right by where I work. And I have been wanting to breed my Daisey for a long while now and I happened to talk to Kim about it from time to time and it just so happpened that it worked out that we would try to breed this time. Kims dog, Royal, is a Poodle (not the big kind), and I know that sounds really weird to breed my beagle with a poodle.... Well it was like my only option.. I have had the hardest time finding a stud beagle!!! All the beagles are way to big!! Daisey is very petite for a beagle and in order to breed properly and safely you should only breed a male that is the same size or smaller than your female. And in no way would I want to jeopardize my dog... So it was to hard to find a mature male beagle that was small enough so then I thought about a pug, welllllll that would have worked but I only know one person with a pug and I am not comfortable seeking out a stranger for my and Daisey's first time.. And the one person I know with a pug was unavailable while Daisey was in her "prime time". So I said heck with it, lets "do the poodle".... So now I am anxiously awaiting my Daisey to start showing some signs of pregnancy. And if she is prego then she would give birth the first week of March. But the other bummer is, even if she does start to show signs of pregnancy, they could be false, which would TOTALLY suck, cause the only way to find out if they are false or not is to 1. wait and see, 2. take her for a sonogram.... and I am not taking my dog in for a sonogram, especially cause this isn't really a business thing. Its kinda just for fun.. Saying all that, I tell my Grandma, who is always excited about everything I do, and I soooo thought she would think this was wonderful, and she was MAD!! I couldn't believe it!!! Her reasoning was, if I really loved my dog I wouldn't put her through that!!! I bout shit a brick!!! Do not for any reason EVER question my love for my dogs and for that matter do not ever question my love for anything!!!!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I recovered from it. I told her that 1. It is a totally natural thing for a dog to give birth the way they do, 2. That if she is saying how could i do that to her, thats almost like saying, How could Eric ever do that to me?? (if we decide to have kids) ITS A PART OF LIFE!!!!! Dogs have been giving birth forever all by themselves, they are strong enough for it and they are meant to breed!!! (by that I mean reproduce to keep their species going) And yes I know there are alot of people doing awful things to dogs and creating puppy mills, but I WOULD NEVER do something like that nor do I support it. I have done more than my fair share of good will towards dogs and other animals and I always will. Then I told my Grandma (who also has 2 dogs that are treated like children that are both extremely overweight) that if somebody or some dog had not gotten prego and had not given birth, she would never have the dogs that she loves so much!!! I would never have gotten my dog Duece who I would probably sell my house for (as embarrassing as that is) and I would never have my Daisey either, and I told her that, if I could give the gift of my wonderful and beautiful dog Daisey to anther person who is deserving of a dog (as in one of her puppies), then I have given somebody else the joy and love and companionship that Daisey has given me. And honestly, what is so horrid about that?? And yes I understand there is a huge difference between people giving birth and dogs giving birth, We take care of our "young" forever and dogs dont really care (as far as we know) to take care of their puppies any longer than they have to, normally about 8 weeks. And I know bad things can happen when your dog goes into labor, bad things happen to women when they have babies. But how do we know that us having children is any different to a dog, than a dog having puppies??? I dont think it is, they do what their instincts tell them and it has served them very well for all this time.

Adult Swims... Amateur Surgeon.....

Soooo, for the past maybe month, I have been playing this RIDICULOUS game called Amateur Surgeon... I swear I play everyday for at least 3 hours, its that addicting!!!! Its a weird/creepy/immature game but I can not get enough... And the worst part is I am on the last level and can not win!! It is making me freakin CRAZY!!! I have been playing this last level for umm probably a week.. All I want is to beat this ridiculous game... And then maybe I will have some peace... haha

First time Blogger.....

Soooo.... since this is all the rage I figured I would try it... and I hope that by getting my thoughts out on "paper", It will keep my mind from racing long into the night... Well for any of you long time bloggers have any "blogging advice", give me a shout, otherwise I am just gonna go for it!! Wish me luck!!